Information operations · Information Warfare · Russia

Putin Jokes


Thank you to Boycott Russia Today for the following:

“Vladimir Putin celebrated his 63rd birthday today. He had a nice party, but it got awkward when two of his friends got him the same country.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Things have gotten very tense between the U.S. and Russia. In fact, during a speech today Vladimir Putin criticized the U.S. for thinking it’s ‘always right.’ Then he went back to organizing an election where you can’t vote ‘No.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, ‘Tell me who the other nominees are — and I will eliminate them.'” –Conan O’Brien

“This week the Russian government gave all 44 of its Olympic medalists a new Mercedes. When asked what happened to the athletes who didn’t medal, Putin said, ‘Do not open trunk.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“Organizers for the Sochi Olympics have had trouble filling seats for the biathlon. This is because Vladimir Putin is warning people away from any event containing ‘bi.'” –Conan O’Brien

“Russian President Vladimir Putin said he may seek a fourth term but that’s up to the people to decide. Then he laughed for 10 minutes . . . shirtless.” –Conan O’Brien

“The peacemaker is Vladimir Putin. He is going to help us secure the chemical weapons, because if there is one thing you can trust Putin with, it’s poison. ” –Bill Maher on the Syria crisis

“Vladimir Putin has taken his criticism of America up a notch.
Today he wrote an Op-Ed for The New York Times asking the U.S. to be more civilized. Unfortunately, Putin couldn’t finish it because he had to take his shirt off and arrest gay people.” –Conan O’Brien

“Putin said that when Americans claim to be exceptional it offends other countries. This from a man who arrests his political opponents, persecutes people based on sexual orientation, and put a girl band in a labor camp for singing songs he didn’t like. We don’t think we are better than everyone else. We just think we are better than him, specifically.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Putin said it’s dangerous for Americans to see themselves as ‘exceptional’ and said that, quote, ‘God created us equal.’ Then he got back to arresting people for being gay.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Russian President Vladimir Putin was on vacation last week, and apparently he caught a giant 46-pound fish. Putin called it a crowning achievement, while the manager of the aquarium said, ‘What am I supposed to do? He’s president.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“Edward Snowden is seeking temporary asylum in Russia, because you know when you’re tired of the government snooping into everything you do, Putin’s Russia is definitely the place you want to go.” –Bill Maher

“Some Russians are claiming that Putin’s election was rigged and that he has no legitimate claim to power.
You know what these Russians are called? Missing.” –Craig Ferguson

“The situation in Ukraine keeps getting more tense. And now Vladimir Putin has moved 10,000 troops to the Russian-Ukrainian border. Russia says its troops are there only for a training exercise. When asked what they’re training for, Russian officials said, ‘Invading Ukraine.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“New reports show that the Crimean vote to join Russia on Sunday did not include an option for ‘no.’ There were only two boxes on the ballot, one for ‘yes,’ and one for ‘murder my family.'” –Seth Meyers

Originally published at https://www.thoughtco.com/vladimir-putin-jokes-2733954 by by Daniel Kurtzman

Source: https://www.facebook.com/boycottrussiatoday/posts/1668271009909283

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